Enter Sloane
1. If you have been reading this blog or know me AT ALL, you know I have a fierce second child. She is ornery, flighty, fiery and simply delicious. This angel came out of my womb mad about being birthed and didn’t sleep well for the first three years, often waking and crying out. At age 3 she started sleeping all night, but often tossed and turned. She would cry out in the middle of the night and mumble incoherently but not be fully awake. She often had nightmares and stopped napping at age 2. The first year of Pre K was awful as she adjusted to school, rules, and social norms. She was SO COMBATIVE and argumentative when something did not go her way.
The second year of Pre K was much better. We worked SO hard on social stories with Sloane and the right things for her to say and do in certain situations. We thought things were getting better, with fewer incidents as she completed Pre K.
End of my Rope
2. This year Sloane has a no-nonsense teacher. We respect her direction and think it is important for limits and for her to learn to adjust, but Sloane just wasn’t cutting the mustard. Sloane so desperately wants for her teacher to like her and looks for acceptance in the ways only a 5 year does, by being silly. She had a hard time listening and following commands this year. She often chose to do something that she enjoyed, rather than what she SHOULD’VE done. This year we were back to bad reports. And I was BACK on the struggle bus with consequences.
AND then our consequences stopped working. She didn’t seem to mind not getting to do something that she enjoyed or being sequestered in her room. The consequences were not a punishment for her but they tore ME apart and I missed her during our family time. I was worn out with her and trying to motivate her behavior.
DIVINE INTERVENTION
3. In early March, she had three or four bad days in a row. I was SO sad. My parents were over for supper and were talking about another family that used melatonin for their son who was also struggling in school. In the past, Shawn had decided that we didn’t need to use melatonin because all of our kids slept all night. I agreed. Our kids go to bed pretty regularly and if given the chance will sleep a straight 10-12 hours. I thought that we were doing all the right things.
My mom asked if I thought about trying melatonin for Sloane. I hadn’t. I told her we knew some families who used it, but that Shawn was against unnecessary meds for our mostly healthy kids, so we were going to go it alone. But something inside me told me to be more open. While I respect my husband and his thoughts on MOST things, CHILD DEVELOPMENT AND SLEEP PATTERNS ARE NOT HIS FORTE.
Suddenly, it hit me. Yes, she sleeps the recommended amount each night. But is she getting GOOD sleep? Haven’t we noticed that she is our most fitful sleeper? Haven’t we noticed her crying out in the night? Haven’t we noticed her in a cold sweat after waking up to a nightmare? HOW CAN I BE SURE SHE IS GETTING GOOD REM SLEEP AND ACTUALLY LETTING HER BRAIN REST? I just couldn’t be sure.
INTERVENING FOR SLOANE
4. Shawn was at a meeting that night and I called him telling him the latest asinine thing our child did. I was upset and it was the third report that week. I was worn out and my heart hurt for her. She was facing down another consequence that I wasn’t sure was even going to change her behavior. So I gently asked him, “PLEASE, PLEASE, pick up some melatonin. We have GOT to try something. I am worried about her and how things are escalating. PLEASE.”
And you all can guess what happened because of the kind of guy he is. He didn’t guff or protest. He could hear my desperation on the phone and agreed to try and get her some better sleep. “Maybe it will make a difference,” he said, “What have we got to lose? We have to try something.”
TURN AROUND
5. We have been giving melatonin every night since. We have done some research and found that a small dose can really help. We only give her two milligrams, but holy cow what a difference it makes to Sloane. To us, she is like a different child. She is not explosive anymore. She gets out of bed on her own in the morning. She has only had two minor reports from school since we started! We went from averaging two bad reports a WEEK, to two minor reports in TWO MONTHS. If that is not data, I do not know what is.
Her reading level has improved and so has her understanding of math concepts. I have always thought Sloane was a joy to be around, but that I was going to have to handle her with care her whole life. I am not saying she is the best-behaved kid now because she is still fierce and ornery. But now I don’t picture her and I duking it out for the next 13 years about her behavior. And all it took was more restful sleep. She was not a bad kid, her BRAIN was just TIRED.
MAMA DRUG LORD
6. Now Sloane loves taking her melatonin and asks for it. On vacation, I made the mistake of giving Sloane a squirt of melatonin from a dropper in front of Sophie and Rory. They thought she was getting a special treat, possibly even candy, and whined to have some melatonin from the dropper too. Since then, the other two have said that they like melatonin because they fall asleep faster. So if you come to my house around 7:30 p.m. you’ll find me, mama drug lord, dancing around the kitchen and delivering the goods into their waiting for open mouths.
And our whole family sleeps peacefully, drug lords and all.