Sherly Sandberg wrote the book “Lean In”, which focused primarily on gender issues for women in the workplace. I didn’t read it.
MY version of leaning in is to look for opportunities for a variety of areas. Be open to the wide world of possibilities. To not go through life with my head down and think in terms of shaking things up, doing things differently to see what happens. Meet new people, try new things, read things I know nothing about.
There is a popular book called The Year of Yes that I have heard good things about. Again, I didn’t read it. But the author said YES to everything that scared her for an entire year. She wrote about her experiences and how it changed her life. I wonder about things I am closed off to, that I might say “NO” to out of habit when a “YES”, might be life-changing. I would sure hate to miss something.
Are you a “lean in” or “lean back” kind of person? Do you look for opportunities to learn, to connect, or to inspire? Or do you like your tight circle and maintaining it?
You have probably guessed that I am the lean-in type and Shawn likes to keep his circle tight. He says I’m too trusting and maybe he’s right. There is nothing wrong with leaning back. He has taught me to be more careful (just a little) and that opening yourself up in certain situations can be dangerous.
But without a little leaning in we wouldn’t have this great picture. This is the story of how a City of Barry card made its way to the rice paddies of Bali.
At a crowded nightspot in Memphis, TN I happened to end up next to Scarlett. Leaning in, I introduced myself and immediately asked her 1000 questions. She is an educator living in Dubai with a fascinating life. She must have decided I was a harmless idiot and continued our conversation, asking about where we were from and what we do.
We were having a good time listening to the band when one of the four of our party jokingly referred to Shawn as “Mayor”. That sparked a conversation about Shawn’s part-time work.
As luck would have it, another couple overheard our conversation. They loudly told Scarlett to ignore us, that he wasn’t a mayor and that he was trying to play her. The words “scam” and “trying to take you home” were thrown around.
Huh? Here I was leaning in, having fun, meeting people and these two doofi (plural for doofus?) were raining on my sunshine.
This is why Shawn likes to keep his circle tight. This is nonsense to him. If he had his way, we would have bowed out then, gone across the street to get a snack, and back to the hotel for a full night of sleep. He couldn’t care less about what Brenda from Indiana thinks.
But me?
I was in “We.will.win.this.” mode. It’s a miracle we’re still married.
So I smiled and sweetly said, “Girl, we are so married. He’s taking me home. No one is scamming anyone.” Then I turned to Shawn, “Got a business card?”
But what I REALLY wanted to say was, “MIND YA BIDNESS, Brenda.”
We gifted Scarlett a “City of Barry” business card for putting up with our foursome, expressed our joy in meeting her, and bid adieu to Scarlett and friend.
I have been following Scarlett on insta and swooning over her exotic travels. A week or so ago she messaged me a picture of the card we gave her saying she found it in her travel bag as she got ready to go to Bali.
We may never see Scarlett in person again and that’s ok. Some might think that meeting someone new that we will never see again did not mean anything. WRONG. There is always value in meeting and learning about people who are different than you. It creates empathy and a deeper understanding of different cultures. Different locations? Different religions? Different experiences? Maybe, but we are all still human beings.
Leaning in, meeting new people, getting a new perspective on life, and learning something new makes the world seem a little less big. A little more cheerful. A little more tolerable.
Leaning in is easier for me, I come by it honestly. It’s in my personality and I spent many years watching my Dad strike up a conversation with many random people. Once, at the airport, after telling my parents I would be fine on my own to switch planes on my way to Saskatoon, my 13-year-old self (not yet leaning in) developed some anxiety. I was not allowed to have an escort without a birth certificate. Since we were two hours from home and didn’t want to miss my flight, we had no choice but me to fly alone. Dad found a guy at the gate who was wearing a jacket with the company logo where my uncle worked. He struck up a conversation with him, found out he was headed to Saskatoon, and unabashedly told him our conundrum. He straight up asked him if he would escort me through the airport in Detroit on our short layover and deliver me safely to Saskatoon. It’s a wonder I am alive.
Honestly, I can not remember when leaning in didn’t work out for me. When I didn’t walk away with a different point of view. When I didn’t learn something new. When I didn’t have a great memory or story from it. When I am tired or sad, leaning in is harder. I tend to stick to myself, listen less, and stay in my bubble of comfort.
But in 2020, it means more leaning in!
Do you lean in? Let me hear your great “lean in” story!